Dance with me

I came across these words by Oriah Mountain Dreamer and thought I would share them with you. They speak to me in ways I cannot explain. They make me feel like drawing, again.

Alone and with an imaginary cat.

Sorry the quality is crap. I drew with a pencil and some of the strokes were too light to be captured properly by the phone camera. Tried to use an app to darken the lines but this is the best I came up with.

I hope the words that follow will inspire you to want to do better in your relationships. Coincidentally, today I was having a conversation about how actions are louder than words. If you care for a person, tell them today. Likewise if you know someone who has been trying to send you the invitation to dance, look beyond the superficial and take the first step. What you find courage in doing, will present itself as a pleasant surprise. x

The Dance

I have sent you my invitation, the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living. Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!” Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires, spiraling down into the ache within the ache. And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart. Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are, And see who I am in the stories I am living. And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be… some day. Show me you can risk being completely at peace, truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment, and again in the next and the next and the next…

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart. And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business without letting business determine who you are. When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price, let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world the stories and the songs you want our children’s children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle not to change the world, but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude, knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!” Just take my hand and dance with me.

~ Oriah Moun­tain Dreamer

Valentine Heartbreak

This post isn't as morbid as the title suggests. It just..came up.

I was gonna enter a twitter contest, and usually you'd just need to follow the merchant and answer whatever is required, and include the merchant's hashtag. And I wanted to enter the contest because I wanted free movie tickets hahaha <cheapo. But then one of the requirements was to mention the sweetest valentine gift you've ever received.

I honestly thought HARD about it. Lol. Damn sian, don't think I've gotten any sibeh sweet de gift. SUAN LE I BUY MY OWN TICKETS. Lolol.

So I've been inspired to blog but I don't know what about exactly. This isn't some post to niam about how miserable I've been every valentine's day. Lol no indeed, not.

The only memorable thing about valentine's day was probably back in secondary school where everyone bought/handmade stuff for everybody. It also wasn't awkward because I was in an all-girls school, and in fact the gifts were pretty competitive lol.

And then we grew up and..yup. No great memories about valentine's day, sorry. I did a cross stitch for one of the bfs and gotten a "huh where am I gonna put this?", and gave a couple keychain to another and he said "can I have a pair instead, in case uhm." <he meant in case we broke up lol. Bugger two-timed me and I didn't know.

^These are only some which I remembered, and it hurt at the point of time. But I guess these are part of what made me cold today. Or maybe lazy. Lol I don't bother with gifts anymore. Because of facebook, I realized that there ARE guys out there who plan surprises and handmake stuff for girls. And because of facebook, I realized I have been wasting my time with the wrong people fml.

I've started watching Korean dramas again, and I stopped a while ago because most are sappy love stories, one will get some terminal disease and whatever, you get the gist. This drama I'm currently watching, interesting strong-willed couple. Prolly will be together forever and forever but they're not the 死来活去 (is the term correct??) kind lol. And then I thought, this is the type of relationship I want. Of course if I get a guy like that I'd die a happy human, or wouldn't want to die, depending on your point of view. Lol.

This was the part I bawled my eyes out.

I'm not done with the drama yet, and I feel so much for the couple. My heart breaks for fictional characters, but I haven't shed a single tear for my own r/s. What have I become? Perhaps I've cried enough throughout the r/s that I've nothing left when I decided I wanted out. Food for thought.

On valentine's day this 25yo guy texted me and said he couldn't stop texting me even though he promised to leave me alone. Said he's hoping we could be friends..with benefits. Prior to that he said my future bf will be very lucky because I know what I want and not into games. Now he's saying that he wants a girl like me but hey, just for fun.

What has the world become? It's like, hey Calista, you're not good enough to be my gf, but good enough for a fuck. But hey I don't want loose women. I'm sorry that you think I am cheap and desperate, life must be horrible for you that you have to insult a girl this way. Thanks.

In other news, I received a valentine's day gift from my bestie. Lol. It's really, really appreciated. It just doesn't count because man, I gotta stop receiving gifts from girls. What does that say about me?? LOL.

Hope y'all had a great v-day though. It's really about the heart. A gift is just a thing if you don't put any thought into it.

Where did 2012 go?

So it's that time of the year again, where we all make excuses to eat and be merry and pretend fat is the new thin. :D

Xmas tree is made of a cone so it's not 100% cream. Which is not an excuse, really.

I have been..busy, to say the least. My post on Taiwan is not done, if you had noticed. And if you have been waiting, I'm sorry.

2012 has been a weird year for me. New job's taking a toll on me to be honest, and I'm at a point in my life where I'm neither here nor there. It's not good, but it's not bad either. Maybe just too much coming at me at the same time. And although I work better under pressure, I'm not one who takes stress very well. Lol.

So I'm thankful to my girlfriends, for listening to me rant whenever. Which is A LOT, I know. Bet you girls must be wondering why I meet all sorts of weirdos wherever I go. Trust me, I also want to know.

Figured I should do some thankyous. Kind of in the mood. In no particular order okay - I r no bias. Lol.

To Susan - too much to say. Yet nothing to be said. For all the years you've known me, I hope that one day I can be truly happy as you wish me to be. I think my life hasn't been kind in all the time you've known me lol. So thank you, for being there for me, and for introducing me into your life. <3

Damn red. But I like my hair here. Also, the ring in the photo broke already. So many stories in one photo.

To Ms Leow - who technically is just my jiemei in disguise. Both you and Susan combine always slap me back to reality. Lol. Yes, I can take a punch. Just as you can take a chokehold. :P Almost like an older bro I've always wished for, except you're a jiemei yes.

Super unglam, this photo. But this is going into my book of awesomeness. Lololol.

To Kexin - for letting me bounce off you all the time. I know most of the time you don't know know to react to me but it also takes a lot to listen to me curse and swear right in your face even though it's not directed to you. One of the sanest women I know, and a damn firm anchor. That is why I always doubt that you're a Leo hahaha. Regardless, although your sensibilities drive me insane, I'm grateful. <3

Don't know how it happened but I'm grateful for the random Halloween planning in 2010.

To Ms Sim - for driving me crazy sometimes because you gotta admit, talking/texting you can be quite a bang in the wall. Lol. But for all the awesome food you make, I will keep you by my side muahahaha. :D

This was the first time I met Joanne I think. Lol.

I honestly don't remember this photo but this is NICE HOR. So bright! <3

To Liyana - for the silences we have between us because of inevitable work schedules. But I know I can always count on you if I need a listening ear. It's enough reading about your life and seeing how happy you are. Having said that, we really need to catch up proper - after your wedding and honeymoon!

We need to travel again!

To Amanda - craziest woman with endless energy. Thank you for showing me what I lacked when I was your age LOL. Also one of the most straight-forward people I know. Sometimes the simplest answer is all you need.

Epic photo, if you know how we took this.

To Marie - despite the distance, it's never awkward when we meet. Which is rare, admittedly. Once in 10 years is madness. Interesting sisterly bond we have, and I've never taken it for granted. Promise I will make a trip to Melbourne soon.

To Wiyah - furthest from Sg but never far from my heart. I've not been the best support for you even though (or because) so much have happened this year. I pray that life will only be better for you from now on, and one day you'll find what you truly deserve.

To Belle - nice meeting you and it has been crazy so far. Good timing too, when my MSN is back up so we can chat till wee hours. :D

This is our ONLY decent photo together. Simisai.

Lastly, to the person who has the power to drive me insane just by the sound of your name. I've not decided what to do about it. At this point in time, I honestly just wish I don't have to deal with you now. But nevertheless I will mention you because I can't keep you out of my head. Pfft.

Merry Christmas y'all. Have fun and drink responsibly. More love, less hate. <3

Adventures of Taipei - Day 1

I was supposed to go to Korea for a holiday but it's a long story, and I got pissed (like I said, long story.) and bought this deal off streetdeal.sg (the deal is no longer valid but you might wanna keep a lookout for it for they might bring it back!) to go to Taiwan with my mom instead. The deal is for 3D2N so we extended for another 2N (therefore 5D4N if you cannot count) and so including all the hidden plusplus I had to plus from the jetstar website *rolleyes*, the trip amounted to about less than S$550/pax (hotel + flight). Which, IMHO, is a pretty decent deal.

Sidenote: The travel agency, however, only emailed me the confirmation flight details like super last minute. I had to call and pester them every other week, up until the week I was supposed to travel. Nevertheless, they delivered so I'm all good. Just an FYI for people who are ganchiong spiders or whatev.

In all fairness, I did my homework (itinerary) last minute too.

So we took the 1am flight and it was a sad, rainy night. Still, I was pretty excited because honestly I was sick of travelling to Malaysia all the time lol. Unfortunately the flight really wasn't as comfortable as we would like it to be (sigh, first time with budget airline please bear with me). I drifted in and out of sleep and was fidgeting and tossing and turning (as best as I could in the space I had lol), as a result disrupted my mom's sleep. =( But the journey was smooth (flight, landing - despite the weather) so that's a big plus.

Anyway. We arrived in Taipei at about 6am and had to sort of feel our way through the airport to the bus stations. My homework says there should be buses to bring you to the nearest MRT stations/hotels from the airport. It sounded exciting to arrive so early in the morning so we wouldn't waste a day flying but we miscalculated the fitful sleep so..we were pretty darn tired and 狼狈, dragging our luggage and carrying umbrellas in search for breakfast and the hotel.

We asked around and the lady at the bus booth cheerfully handed me a map which I gleefully accepted because 1) my map was too hugeass and I don't wanna look too much like a lost tourist, and 2) information from the land itself wouldn't go wrong. I only checked the map after we boarded the bus and guess what, the map was in JAPANESE. -_____-||| #NotEnoughHokkienVulgarities

The bus brought us to (opposite) Yuanshan MRT station (NT90/S$3.80/pax, approx. 1 hour), and we were reprimanded by the bus driver that the stations are called 捷运站 and not 地铁站. hanah hanah say too fast can? I am sing ga por lang. You come Singapore and say 捷运 see who understand you? In my short holiday we've learnt that the bus drivers are not your friendliest people in Taiwan. But everyone else are super super nice. Really. (Honestly though, I wonder what MRT stands for because they're called MRT stations too. The website doesn't translate it directly so I'm guessing Metro Rapid Transit lol.)

We bought their Easy Card for the MRT rides - NT500 (S$21.30) including a fully refundable deposit of NT100, so the rides are at a 20% discount. And we fully utilized the NT400 for 5 days! :D

To continue our very sad first day (LOL), we went back and forth Jiantan and Shilin MRT stations looking for breakfast. The shops in Taiwan don't open that early! (Later on we found out that we kept alighting at the super ulu exits of both stations; there were cafes at the other exits. Their stations are so huge that different escalators from the platforms actually bring you to different exits. #MountainTortoise maxmax.)

Sorry, best view of the shop name from where I was sitting.

We found this small cosy cafe (not exactly a cafe but I don't know how else to describe it) about 2 streets from Shilin MRT station. It was the only available shop to be honest, and we were dead tired going up and down the streets, appalled that the cafes/restaurants/food shops weren't opened for breakfast (one cafe actually said "breakfast available" but it was closed up tight + there were like 3 days worth of newspapers at the door so my mom said maybe the business flopped but then we passed by later at night and it was opened LOL). We were given a menu which was in mandarin (duh) and I swear my brain turned to mush. I must have stared at the menu for too long because then the lady boss came about from behind the counter to translate explain the menu recommend their bestsellers. Hey in my defense it was in traditional chinese!

We anyhow-ed through the order and in my mushy state tried to do the math. I think my jaw dropped when I realized the entire breakfast was NT110 (S$4.70). and the fooooood - simple affair but so, so, so damn good.

Mom's club sandwich, NT45 (S$1.90 how can?!)

My pastry thing that looks like roti prata with a slice of bread and black pepper pork.

SO. DAMN. TENDER.

Okay la that's all actually lol. Our drinks not as fascinating. Hehehe.

Because we felt like homeless kids, we took a cab (finally!) and I gave the cab uncle my book where I anyhow-ed wrote the address of the hotel hahahaha. BUT I figured since he knew what I had written, I guess I must have gotten it right LOL.

Before we left for Taiwan (and actually after I bought the deal), I looked up the hotel on the internet and the reviews ranged from like bad to quite-okay. I was a little bit more optimistic and decided that it should be comparable to Hotel 81 and that is fine. (And before you ask, I know about Hotel 81 because we booked it once as our makeup stop for Halloween. We managed about 7 people with props and costumes and makeup in a small room but that's another story.) The headache part was actually locating the hotel because someone wrote that even cabbies may not know the road and that worried me.

It turned out that Simply Life Taipei was located at an alley and we would not have found it no matter how good one is with the map, Japanese or otherwise lol. Anyway I didn't take photos of the hotel but if you're really interested you can check it out here. I gotta give it to their photographer; the place looks more spacious on the site lol.

A little bit on the hotel though, the staff are friendly and they try their best to help you, like how to get about to the general tourist attractions. I say general only because I tried to ask for directions to Pingxi and they told me to take the MRT to Taipei Main Station then ask around. (Lol I guess people who want to get to Pingxi won't be staying around Shilin?) Also, the hotel has no lifts so guess who stayed on the top (4th) floor? LOL. The airconditioning is centralized so we "regulated" the temperature by closing/opening the toilet door. You can imagine most times the door would be opened lol.

Check-ins are at 4pm and we were there at 10:30am. They wanted us to leave our luggage at the lobby and go back at 4pm but we were dead beat so we paid for another day's worth at NT480 (S$21) to SLEEEEP. I was running on adrenaline I think, because I was still transferring my itinerary from pieces of A4 papers to a trusty black notebook hahaha. My mom knocked out for an hour before I was done and then I think I blacked out LOL.

We were fresh and out of the room by 2:30pm. Not too shabby. But being Sep/Oct, the sunset in Taipei is about 5:30pm so we decided to check out Ximending and the Shilin Night Market. We had to take a bus to the nearest MRT (about 3 stops, NT15/pax) Shilin Station; that was when we found out about the other amazing, more happening exit lol.

Ximending, still a popular shopping district despite the poor weather.

It rained the whole day like some whacky cycle of drizzle and downpour. We were whipping our umbrellas in and out; really quite the holiday spoiler. It was also very difficult to shop because most shops were stretched to the streets and the weather was just sad la.

Some No.1 Ramen place. But then almost every other restaurant is No.1 there.

Our dinner was at a ramen place, and I had another heart attack moment with the menu lol. Asked the server about one of the flavors and he simply read it off the menu without explaining it. I had to resist rolling my eyes lest he spit in my food.

Super crowded bakery at Shilin Night Market.

Went back to Shilin Night Market and we were quite moody and tired, really. But we also KIV-ed some stuff to check out on Day 2 at Wufenpu so it wasn't that bad. It was very, very windy that night and we didn't want to risk falling sick (what with the wet weather) so we made our way back. We tried to find the bus stop to take the same buses back to our hotel but again, we walked up and down the streets a few times between Jiantan and Shilin MRT station and although we found the bus numbers, they didn't go back the district our hotel was located at! We gave up (for the night) and took a cab. *insert 不甘愿 face*

On hindsight, I think we were more prepared for Day 2 because we already knew what to expect with the public transports and which direction to take at the MRT stations. :D

Next up - Wufenpu Commercial Zone and Raohe Night Market!

for the Leos today =)

September 20, 2012. Thursday.

Leo: This next month will be a rather positive time for your love life. The Venus and Mars cycles follow each other so your love life has every chance to be passionate and fulfilling. The nostalgia you felt last week or so will manifest today as you made a date with someone from your past. You have not have seen the person for quite some time and your mind is running with a million what if’s. Whether you hope something will come out of this (which is entirely possible), don’t let any fears or worries spoil what will turn out to be a great occasion regardless. If this person is unattached, be prepared for the sparks to fly as the energy is working in your favor. If he or she is attached, you will leave them with a strong impression of what might have been.
(source: http://dailylovescopes.com/september-20-thursday/)

Chin up, Leos. Your time will come. ;)

Time is a great teacher.

a lot of things were going on in my head yesterday despite my sneezing frenzy (average 6 sneezes per minute, for the ENTIRE day). i've learnt that, 1) sneezing is VERY tiring, and 2) i need to (somehow) compartmentalize my brain. even if i came up with the invention it'd probably be chucked as a chindogu.

my hands were shaking while drawing this, and i sneezed about 382 times.

anyway. today i want to rant about Being On Time. (was gonna term it as Being Late but i have to start thinking Positive so.)

personally, i don't think anyone can actually be on time. you will either be too early, or slightly later. or even if you managed to reach on the dot, that would be "on the dot" by your own clock. my watch could be 5 minutes earlier for all you know. (which, by the way, it is.)

at the risk of being really bitchy, i've just about had enough of latecomers. having said (typed) that though, i think i have the patience more than Job (the bible dude, not the apple dude). my record is waiting for someone for 4 hours.

this is the amount of patience i have vs latecomers.

don't get me wrong, i am perpetually late myself. but i make sure i let the other party know so they can go shopping or pee or get something to eat instead of waiting for me like a bloody fool at the mrt station for example. and i won't make them wait for hours for crying out loud. so, what the hell did i do to deserve waiting for 4 hours? (warning: grandmother story enfolding.)

T lives in serangoon and we decided to meet. he said, let's meet somewhere in between. so we made plans to meet at bishan (how is that in between, i also don't know) at 2pm. i was actually late - it takes me about 30 minutes to travel to bishan and i left my house at about 1:45pm. dude texted me at 2pm to say he'll reach at 2:30pm. fine by me, i knew he was gonna be late anyway.

time check, 4pm. no texts, no calls. and i was done shopping at the mall. so i called him and guess what, he said he was at BEDOK. told me he was on the way, only 10 minutes more. how is bedok 10 minutes away from bishan, i also don't know. maybe he travels by helicopter.

long story short, T made an appearance at almost 6pm, slightly apologetic, but that's about it. went on and on telling me about things inconsequential. now that i'm thinking about it, if his purpose was to diffuse or distract my anger, it sure as hell didn't work. i think i never met him thereafter, at least not alone anymore.

this is just one of the many stories i've had to wait for people. the ex-bf used to tell me how much he missed me but i always had to wait for him for at least an hour every date. and each time it makes me feel small and unimportant.

Time is making fools of us again. ~ J.K. Rowling

well, thank you. in a different context, i'm done being a fool. my time will only be for people who can respect it. (still learning to adopt Ms Leow's pov on this. but i'm a girl, i take things more seriouslyyy.)

on a somewhat related topic, i'm abruptly sharing this Backstreet Boys song because it was constantly playing in my head while typing this. =D

When 140 Characters Are Not Enough

i get these intense feelings lately. it's like something built up overtime and is literally waiting to blow up. each time i feel this way, i'd pray nothing happens and hope i survive till the end of the time. but noooo. something always happens and i'd curse the day with swollen eyes which will swell for the next 2 days at least. true story.

so this time i'm just gonna rant blindly and maybe shit will not happen today.

then again. today is a little different. i woke up before my alarm and waited for it. and when it went off i didn't go back to sleep. instead followed up on tweets about peeling a banana from the bottom. (please remind me to do that. i really wanna try.)

and then i left the house early and strolled to the station, a luxury i never had. and was 2 trains earlier than usual! this is madness. with things going so well you'd think shit won't happen.

so. damn. paranoid. nao.

decided to dissolve some frustration into words. are you still with me? because i'm almost sure i'm not making sense dsfdsfdsfjkl.

had some ideas during my luxurious stroll and suddenly i had a budget for my party which i bounced off Susan but i have a leetle problem with the venue. okay sorry the previous sentence is too long to digest and i can't be arsed to edit it.

long story short, there are a few things i would like to do.

1) catch madagascar 3 alone. because i'm emo that way.
2) please don't make me catch prometheus alone. #foreveralone
3) finish up The Secret so i will stop being bloody emo. very tired of drawing circles in the corner.
4) somebody date me to USS please. i would actually like to go with a fun crowd this time and perhaps at least one who is handy with the camera.
5) I WANT A STEAK. okay la this one cannot help. gotta wait till the metal is off, which is kind of a depressing thought because then it'd be close to valentine's day. lol. see! however i think it'd make a round and bite me in the ass.
6) clean up my act before july because there are just so many things to do! big day on august 1 and i'm (mostly) determined to make it work.
7) lose another 5kgs. lol. i've lost 5kgs so far, and it wouldn't hurt to lose another 5 because some fat aunty yesterday from LWM approached me yesterday wtf. 我比你瘦好不好 -.-
8) i decided to make a point 8 because i'm pantang (superstitious) that way. lol. if you're still reading up to this point, you must love me very much. :P

the list is not too much is it? gonna jot it down somewhere so i actually stick to it. even if i have to eat tofu and fish. lol gosh. but really, it's not that much of a chore because i love tofu and fish. it just gets a little boring because i can only make like 2 variations of said dishes. sorry future husband. if you love me you would know how to cook. hahahahaha.

okay this should be enough. i've just about reaching my destination. frustration not entirely spent and some things not off my chest but this is therapeutic somewhat. (hi uncle behind me, want my blog address? don't peek lydat very rude hor.)

HAPPY TUESDAY EVERYONE!