Dance with me

I came across these words by Oriah Mountain Dreamer and thought I would share them with you. They speak to me in ways I cannot explain. They make me feel like drawing, again.

Alone and with an imaginary cat.

Sorry the quality is crap. I drew with a pencil and some of the strokes were too light to be captured properly by the phone camera. Tried to use an app to darken the lines but this is the best I came up with.

I hope the words that follow will inspire you to want to do better in your relationships. Coincidentally, today I was having a conversation about how actions are louder than words. If you care for a person, tell them today. Likewise if you know someone who has been trying to send you the invitation to dance, look beyond the superficial and take the first step. What you find courage in doing, will present itself as a pleasant surprise. x

The Dance

I have sent you my invitation, the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living. Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!” Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires, spiraling down into the ache within the ache. And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart. Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are, And see who I am in the stories I am living. And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be… some day. Show me you can risk being completely at peace, truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment, and again in the next and the next and the next…

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart. And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business without letting business determine who you are. When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price, let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world the stories and the songs you want our children’s children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle not to change the world, but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude, knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!” Just take my hand and dance with me.

~ Oriah Moun­tain Dreamer

Where did 2012 go?

So it's that time of the year again, where we all make excuses to eat and be merry and pretend fat is the new thin. :D

Xmas tree is made of a cone so it's not 100% cream. Which is not an excuse, really.

I have been..busy, to say the least. My post on Taiwan is not done, if you had noticed. And if you have been waiting, I'm sorry.

2012 has been a weird year for me. New job's taking a toll on me to be honest, and I'm at a point in my life where I'm neither here nor there. It's not good, but it's not bad either. Maybe just too much coming at me at the same time. And although I work better under pressure, I'm not one who takes stress very well. Lol.

So I'm thankful to my girlfriends, for listening to me rant whenever. Which is A LOT, I know. Bet you girls must be wondering why I meet all sorts of weirdos wherever I go. Trust me, I also want to know.

Figured I should do some thankyous. Kind of in the mood. In no particular order okay - I r no bias. Lol.

To Susan - too much to say. Yet nothing to be said. For all the years you've known me, I hope that one day I can be truly happy as you wish me to be. I think my life hasn't been kind in all the time you've known me lol. So thank you, for being there for me, and for introducing me into your life. <3

Damn red. But I like my hair here. Also, the ring in the photo broke already. So many stories in one photo.

To Ms Leow - who technically is just my jiemei in disguise. Both you and Susan combine always slap me back to reality. Lol. Yes, I can take a punch. Just as you can take a chokehold. :P Almost like an older bro I've always wished for, except you're a jiemei yes.

Super unglam, this photo. But this is going into my book of awesomeness. Lololol.

To Kexin - for letting me bounce off you all the time. I know most of the time you don't know know to react to me but it also takes a lot to listen to me curse and swear right in your face even though it's not directed to you. One of the sanest women I know, and a damn firm anchor. That is why I always doubt that you're a Leo hahaha. Regardless, although your sensibilities drive me insane, I'm grateful. <3

Don't know how it happened but I'm grateful for the random Halloween planning in 2010.

To Ms Sim - for driving me crazy sometimes because you gotta admit, talking/texting you can be quite a bang in the wall. Lol. But for all the awesome food you make, I will keep you by my side muahahaha. :D

This was the first time I met Joanne I think. Lol.

I honestly don't remember this photo but this is NICE HOR. So bright! <3

To Liyana - for the silences we have between us because of inevitable work schedules. But I know I can always count on you if I need a listening ear. It's enough reading about your life and seeing how happy you are. Having said that, we really need to catch up proper - after your wedding and honeymoon!

We need to travel again!

To Amanda - craziest woman with endless energy. Thank you for showing me what I lacked when I was your age LOL. Also one of the most straight-forward people I know. Sometimes the simplest answer is all you need.

Epic photo, if you know how we took this.

To Marie - despite the distance, it's never awkward when we meet. Which is rare, admittedly. Once in 10 years is madness. Interesting sisterly bond we have, and I've never taken it for granted. Promise I will make a trip to Melbourne soon.

To Wiyah - furthest from Sg but never far from my heart. I've not been the best support for you even though (or because) so much have happened this year. I pray that life will only be better for you from now on, and one day you'll find what you truly deserve.

To Belle - nice meeting you and it has been crazy so far. Good timing too, when my MSN is back up so we can chat till wee hours. :D

This is our ONLY decent photo together. Simisai.

Lastly, to the person who has the power to drive me insane just by the sound of your name. I've not decided what to do about it. At this point in time, I honestly just wish I don't have to deal with you now. But nevertheless I will mention you because I can't keep you out of my head. Pfft.

Merry Christmas y'all. Have fun and drink responsibly. More love, less hate. <3

Calistalised.

my version of being Calistalised is something like 成仙. LOL.

i guess if you've been following me on twitter, you'd see the drastic change of a dramatic lamenting bitch to that of a still-dramatic but more positive...girl. lol. okay i lol-ed because hey, i don't care what you say i'm still a girl. *cue Britney's ♪i'm not a girl~ not yet a woman~♪* hahaha okay nolink.

i decided to blog about this because i want to share what has been happening in my life and how it may be able to help you, too. if you're a massive fan of our local bloggers like Xiaxue and Qiuqiu, you'd prolly come across them talking about The Secret. well, it's not like a secret code amongst them, for i've heard of it before i followed them on twitter. (which was like, a few months ago nia. lol. *late bloomer*)

okay let's start from the beginning. i got to know of The Secret from Peiyi (thank you), who kind of told me about the book over dinner. i don't remember what our topic was at that time, but she brought it up, and offered to email me the pdf of it. i said sure, and true to her word she emailed me the file. as you all might already know, my lao kok kok laptop could not open the pdf file so i tried to view it on my work computer. little did i know that it contained too many pages for me to finish it within 15 minutes. (i really thought it was just a longer-than-usual article lol) so i forwarded the mail to Susan and asked if she could print it out for me. which she did, and even had it bound into a huge book. lol. for this alone i am grateful.

then now i'm gonna tell you something which will prolly give Susan a seizure. lol. i did NOT read a single page, and i promptly forgotten about it. sorry!! xD

it was not until a few months ago that i started following Qiuqiu on twitter because i was quite fascinated by her positivity, and amongst her tweets The Secret would come up a few times. it occurred to me that i have the book somewhere which i half-stashed into a drawer while spring cleaning for CNY lolwtf.

and then one fine day i walked into Popular Bookstore to look for my J D Robb book but instead, stumbled upon - what else - The Secret. i was drawn to it because, being all superficial, the cover looks really vintage and nice! lol. i examined the cover, the spine, touched the pages, and still, i didn't read a single line. such a stubborn bitch i am lol.

again, it was not until a couple of weeks ago that i decided, that's it, i want that book. for two reasons. one, because the book is gorgeous lol. two, and the more important reason, because i was facing a lot of trials and somehow at the back of my head i must have been holding on to this glimmer of hope. i must have subconsciously registered a few lines from the book to have been so drawn to it. also coupled with a few factors like Qiuqiu and her talking about it.

funny how i made a huge detour before finally getting The Secret.

and to be honest, when i bought it i didn't even read it right away. it took me a few days (and a few more trials) before i turned the first page and marveled at the pages of the book. (okay, i'm quite a sucker when it comes to books.) and read.

so far i've only covered 2 chapters and i'm telling you now, it works. i can't explain to you exactly how or what happened. but The Secret is simple: it talks about how your thoughts are your future and you are in control of your thoughts, therefore your future. in short, whatever you think of, will come true.

now of course there are those fine prints that we humans are so skeptically fond of. it's not like if i keep thinking of money, it's just gonna magically appear. it's about how to change your thoughts to something more positive so that things will work out in a way that you may not expect, but achieve the same end result.

it is about the law of attraction. whatever you think of, you attract. and because it's a neutral law, it doesn't separate positive or negative. for example, if you keep thinking "i don't want to be late", you'll prolly end up being late. because the law of attraction works such that its focus will be on the word "late" and not if you want or don't want to be. so instead you should be thinking "i will be early" or even already envisioned yourself being early.

That, is The Secret. or at least in my own words la. get the book if you want more details okay. =D

so how has it worked for me? it made me more conscious of my thoughts and feelings, therefore more controlled over what i feel and what i want to feel.

the most drastic change that i've experienced would be the happenings at work. i've never been happy at my work place ever since i started shift work because this aunty supervisor kept picking on me. so the last straw was when she managed to find trouble for me all the way to the manager. i was this close to giving up and just quitting the job already.

then somehow i decided to start reading the book, and after the initial disbelief, i told myself there's really no harm in trying. after all, i've always wanted to put a leash on my temper and the more recent increasing negativity. it's taken a toll on me and i really needed a change.

so for the first time in a long while, i took control of what i was feeling and confronted it. i deliberately planted positive thoughts by almost chanting to myself. if i want change, i must change.

i took a different approach at work. i started talking to my other colleagues, even though i still think of them as stuck-up actors. but of course i made an effort to keep those negative thoughts away so it was actually not a torture talking to them. ultimately i have one goal, and that is to put an end to my misery at work. i need to be happy and not allow people to trample over me.

the end results? well, first i can tell you that the bitchy supervisor is NOT happy that i'm actually fully capable of communicating with the rest of my colleagues. guess i ruined her plans there. i am happy and am nearly contented with my team mates where work is concerned. my direct supervisor is still an idiot, but he treats me with a little bit more respect, finally ditching the attitude.

it may seem nothing to you, but i can feel it happening because i changed the way i think and see things. i feel grateful to the little things that happen in my life everyday. they say that once you learn to be grateful, you learn to appreciate.

i'm learning so many things everyday, and i'm only at the second chapter. there is only one thing i want right now, and that is to be a better person so that everything else will fall in place. i can do it, because i'm surrounded by my family, friends and good people. :)

special thanks to Susan for helping me print the book (lol sorry, please don't kill me for not reading the initial "book").

also to Ah Chan, who is currently reading The Power. together we can be very positive!! :D must make that Bali trip come true okay. ahem ahem.

oh and and and. i guess because i want to be better and so i did, and in the process became happier. and because i'm happier i tell myself 我是美的! lololol. so i suppose things sort of fell into place in its own way - i made the decision to straighten my hair so it's easier to maintain and therefore i feel less irritated; i made the appointment with the dentist which i was supposed to make years ago; don't know where i found the courage to have my braces done (again) but all these things, i did because i want to look better and feel healthier. all these years i've been saying but did nothing. suddenly it's like i WANT to do it. i have to. and because my teeth have shifted too much over the last 4 years, this time my having braces on is actually more tedious than the first. but on the other hand, i lost the weight i've been trying to lose despite my healthy dieting and almost-exercise. lol.

SEE, 美美 lor! because i say so. lolol. =D

did i mention that i've been encountering Eye Candy more than usual even though by right we are totally 不相干的 department/shift? heh. because i say so la! hahahaha.

(insert weird photo of me but i still am not used to the braces again so i won't show you. lol.)

so again, the book is called The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne. the film version is at http://www.thesecret.tv/. she has 2 others, The Power and The Magic.

i'm working my way to being Calistalised. ;)