so. the fact that you landed here reading this post is either you're my #1 fan, or you need some serious voodoo against dumb fucks. i have this to say to you: unfortunately my dear, you ain't seen nothing yet.
as much as i am embarrassed to admit, i've bummed around a few companies before landing in my current one, where, in my entire life, i encounter some of the most classic stupid people. now i'm actually afraid of death by stupidity than death by old age or accident. if i die now, believe me it won't be an accident. i would have been angered to my death because some people are just so appallingly..yes, stupid.
but i digress. let's dive into the three ways i've devised.
number one.
when a person does/says anything in the stupidest way possible, most of our reflex responses would be sarcasm. now, this is me telling you to suppress your sarcasm as much as possible. in fact, bury it and don't let it surface in front of said stupid person.
why? because my dear, that person so stupid you think will understand sarcasm meh? don't waste your wits and brain juice and energy. when they tell you something so explicitly stupid, ask them a stupid question. for example:
me: i was supposed to be on leave yesterday but i was sick and went to the doctor's, and he gave me an mc. so i need to cancel my leave in the system and you need to approve so i can apply for sick leave instead.
dumbo: but annual leave overrides mc.
me: no, mc overrides annual leave.
dumbo: i'm sure annual leave overrides mc. i need to check with hr.
me: fine. you do that.
what i should have said was, "do you think hr will know?" or, "need me to check for you?" ah, but that is not sarcasm, since stupids are unable to process that. you are trying to come across as an innocent imbecile. having said that, sometimes it's hard to think of "innocent" comebacks when you are so appalled by their deftness. so this brings me to..
number two.
keep asking "why". this can act as a guideline. whatever you do, do not give in to arguing with a stupid person. because at the end of the day, you become the bigger stupid, and the person you deemed stupid would go home happy because he/she just recruited a new member. that is, you.
so when you ask a stupid person "why", one of two things will happen. one, he/she will end up realizing how hollow they've been and (hopefully) start making intelligent conversations. or two, you will start to realize and admit defeat that you will never be as stupid or even more stupid than they are, or will ever be. either way, it's a win-win situation.
why does annual leave override mc?
why are you so sure annual leave overrides mc?
why do you need to ask hr?
why do you not know about these leave applications?
why are you breathing? why am i talking to you?
why are you so bloody stupid?
okay, only use the last question when you're desperate or when your hair catches fire and said dumbo aims a hair spray at your head.
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS.
number three.
"i'm sorry, i'm not sure of the whole leave application procedure. in fact, will you show me to do it? also, do you know what is this from the doctor's? this small piece of paper has my name and so many numbers on it. is it important? do you need my doctor's number to check with him?"
as i'm typing this, i realize, you know what. i'm wrong. you should be sarcastic. but be the nice sarcastic, not the bitchy sarcastic. you have to be nice to a fault. remember, you're a ditzy little bimbo with a brain size of a micro mini particle.
all scenarios and characters seemingly familiar are definitely purely coincidental. unless, you're my colleague, then you know there are no such things as coincidence.
p.s. please share with me some of your experiences and/or how you dealt with dumb fucks. i would Love to know!
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